I had a taste in my mouth, that came of out nowhere, for guacamole. I love avocados by themselves, but am not a huge fan of guacamole, so desiring this food was kind of out of the blue for me and the desire was not leaving. It was lingering so long that I was almost getting agitated by the feeling and I was not wanting to go to the store for some over priced, underripe fruit/vegetable (still not sure which they are), that I wouldn’t be able to make into guacamole that night anyway. And to think I was getting agitated is funny looking back on it, but my body was craving it for some unknown reason. Ok, so I may know one reason, the previous night my dinner consisted of Goobers and M&M peanuts, so I may have desperately needed something fresh.
I have recently been struggling with and questioning my worth, fighting fear and rejection, doubting every decision I make, and just waiting for the worst. I have been in this emotional roller coaster before, and it is exhausting, so this feeling was nothing new for me. I am guessing that I am not the only one that has ever felt this way, but I also find it embarrassing to share the movie playing in my head. There have been days where I feel like the Tasmanian Devil has taken up residence between my ears and will not sit still, creating a whirlwind of emotion and chaos, and creating smokescreens to avoid seeing clearly any Truth in my way. I rarely find peace throughout my day but have had very vivid moments in the middle of the night, when my body is quiet and resting, where I roll over and look at the clock and the time seems to almost jump out at me. And without fail, I remember that time in the middle of the night and begin my morning by finding scripture that lines up with the numbers. Recently I woke up at 3:13 and thought Philippians 3:13, but had an argument with God in my head saying I know what 3:14 says, so I think You woke me up a minute too early, that is until the next morning when I looked up 3:13
13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
See, I have been doing some devotions on deliverance from fear and rejection and earlier the day before, I really believed that I was to choose to forget what had been done to me, what wrong choices I had made, the rejection and fear from my past, and begin to choose to look at what He has and is doing in my life. To stop living in the junk of my past and look to eternity, because as I live in the junk of my past, it is like trying to run a marathon in a pool of quick sand, I am not going to get anywhere and if people come to help me, I will more than likely pull them in with me, making none of us useful for our purpose.
The day I wanted guacamole, I had an appointment with someone after work and I headed over to meet her. I was there to look at clothes racks to borrow for an upcoming event at reStored, however this ministry also happens to house a food bank.
As my friend and I were talking and we were helping to get some food to someone waiting outside, my friend turns to me and says, “would you like some avocados?”
Really? In my head I thought, of all the food you have in here, you offer me avocados? I immediately thought they were probably over or under ripe, and politely said “no thank you” and dismissing the fact that my desire was being met.
We continued to look at the items I had come to look at, and as I was getting ready to leave, I said “is the offer for the avocados still good? I would love a couple”.
She took me to where they were stored and said “are you sure you don’t want more?” and I said “yes, thank you for these!”
I got home and was acting like a little kid at Christmas when I proudly walked in the house with the 2 avocados, but still somewhere in my mind thinking don’t get too excited, they probably won’t be any good when you cut into them – still doubting these little green masterpieces. And then the moment of truth, I got a knife and cutting board and these avocados were PERFECT – just ripe enough to mash for guacamole but not too ripe, I mixed them with a little red onion and tomato and seasoned salt and the taste in my mouth was instantly satisfied. As I continued to think about these personal delicacies, it took me to a much bigger picture. God knew the desire of my heart, or in this case my taste buds, for some guacamole, and He planned out perfectly in His timing for that to occur, and used someone to help satisfy that silly desire, and yet my initial response was still to say no thank you.
So how often have my thoughts and feelings that have been overshadowed by a dark cloud, has God placed someone in my path to speak Life into me and my response is to not receive those words?
Has the deepest desire of my heart truly been for God to take on these demeaning thoughts I rehearse in my head, but I don’t want to do the things required to let Him in, like surrender, forgiveness, receiving His grace?
Do I choose to question if I really deserve what He has to offer?
Do I question that it is too late for it to do any good?
Until I truly “cut into” and choose to believe and take Him at His word am I able to fully experience what His word says, just like questioning the ripeness of the avocado, until I saw for myself that it was good, was I able to embrace the fact that my taste buds would be “healed” and how much more does He want all of me, all of each of us, healed.
The night after the avocado deliciousness, I woke up at 3:47 and my mind went to Psalms 34:7
7 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
My friend, He cares so much about us, that our “guacamole” desires are even important to Him, and sometimes it takes something as silly as that to get our attention.
He wants to love you, through whatever means He can reach our hearts. Live today looking for a place where He can lavish you with His love.
He may give you an avocado
He may have a friend send a note, sweet text, or speak Life over you – receive it!
He may have someone pay for your coffee
He may put a complete stranger in your path for one of the best conversations of your life
He may send you a scripture at just the right “time” – get it?!?
Live loved today and see how He loves you in the most unexpected ways.
